Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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