I cannot find my penis.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
