I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
