I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
