Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
