I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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