I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
