That's when you crack a 10am beer
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
