Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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