guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
