How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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