just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
