god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
