If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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