Why are handjobs necessary in class?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
