There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
