It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
