You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
