im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
