8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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