Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
