Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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