a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
