I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
