wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
