Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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