You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Come see our sink grown plant.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
