I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
