Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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