I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
