you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
