I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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