I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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