DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
