i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
