So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
