Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
