I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
