she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
