Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
