He uses pillows to masturbate.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
