Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
