i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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