wakey wakey hands off snakey
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize