Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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