Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize