Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
