It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
