I just threw up on my dentist
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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