well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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