i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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