fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
