i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize