Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
