this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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