Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
