I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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