It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
