Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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