We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
