So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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