There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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