First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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