It's Friday. Sex?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
