sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
