Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
