do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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