forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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