i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
