Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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