The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
