I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
