HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
