ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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