Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
