you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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