Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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