$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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