dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
