we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
