Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
