Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just found puke in my bra..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize