I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
