You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Acid is not a monday night drug
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
