Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
