who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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