I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
