The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
