if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is the high leading the old right now
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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