Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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