The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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