never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
