he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
