Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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