There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
