NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
