you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
