So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
