Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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