Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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