Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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