There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
