from now on my penis is your penis
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
