and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
