I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
