Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
