I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
